Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Why Spider-Man 3 Sucks.

Spoiler warnings aplenty, but here are the main reasons why Spider-Man 3 sucks:

1. The Retcon of Ben Parker's death. Completely. Lame. Hey, you know this new villain, the Sandman, well, he, uh, just happened to be responsible for killing your uncle a few years ago. Oh, no wait, he was accidentally responsible. It was just there to give Spidey a reason to get aggressive against him. The point in the comics is that it was a no-name criminal that killed Uncle Ben - this inspires Peter to take on all criminals, from small-time thieves to supervillains.

2. Too many poorly developed villians and cheesy dialogue aka the Batman Forever Factor. Green Goblin II was the only interesting villain of the three, and they could have done so much with the former friends dynamic. Instead, he's evil, then amnesiac, then evil again, then he redeems himself. Sandman looked cool, but did he really have a reason to go after Spider-Man? No. Spidey was trying to stop him from stealing money (which is not ok) but ultimately forgives him for murdering his uncle (which apparently is ok). Venom was extremely out of place - the rivalry between Eddie Brock and Peter Parker was rushed. And okay, this alien symbiote just crashed to Earth and immediately picks out Peter Parker as a host? There was no explanation for this meteorite crashing, why it chose Peter, nothing. And the line Venom says when he's got Mary Jane captive: "My spider sense is tingling. If you know what I mean" just about made me throw up! Stan Lee's cameo was incredibly cheesy, too.

3. They don't explain anything / more things seems out of place. Mary Jane doesn't tell Peter she got fired from the play. Um, why not? He's your boyfriend. And like Spider-Man would really kiss another girl in front of Mary Jane. That was so out of place.

4. Mary Jane is the damsel in distress. Again. Okay, so three times now a villian has captured Mary Jane and Spidey has to save her. Any idiot can trail Mary Jane and find out she is, at the very least, friends with Peter Parker and then piece together that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. No single girl in New York City gets kidnapped that much.

And while I'm ranting, Kirsten Dunst has said that nobody would go see Spider-Man 4 without her, Tobey Maguire or director Sam Raimi. Um, no. They'd get another cast and people would still go see it 'cause it's Spider-Man. If the story is there and it entertains, people will see it. I don't like Dunst as an actress and now I don't like her as a person, after her dumb and self-congratulating comments. I still think they should have gotten Alicia Witt to play MJ from the start.

The first Spider-Man was great, the second Spider-Man improved upon every single thing the first one did and this one just crapped on the whole mythology. I will not be buying this one to complete my Spider-Man trilogy collection. Let's hope they make a Spider-Man 4 and they get it right. A thousand jeers to Sam Raimi for tanking this one.

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