Sunday, May 20, 2007

Why Spider-Man 3 Sucks, Part 2.

I just got back from seeing Spidey 3 and yeah, there was some disappointment. I was going into it with low expectations, and left still feeling disappointed. Here are my thoughts, obviously there's a spoiler alert because there are plenty of them ahead:

1. I know there are a lot of hot looking women in New York, but seriously, what was the deal with having smokin' hot chicks in every scene? And I'm not just talking about the Saturday Night Fever scenes, every scene had hot women everywhere. Every scene. Even in the lab where they were controlling the experiment that mutated the Sandman there were there where like three of them in lab coats. C'mon, how about showing some normal looking people? There were no normal people in this movie.

2. Stan Lee. Please stop. Your cameos were cool in the first couple of movies, but it's getting old. We know you're the guy that created all of these characters (or at least you're taking credit for all of them). We know this. Please stop destroying your legacy. I'm begging you. Please.

3. So, if you're made out of sand, how is it physically possible for you to cry? I know Comic Book Physics can pretty much explain anything, but I was laughing out loud at the scene at the end when the Sandman was crying. It was just funny for some reason.

4. Harry/The Green Goblin II. I totally agree with my sidekick Chris, this could have been done so much better. It could have been a whole movie. The amnesia part was lame, and you could see the ending coming from a mile away, you knew he was going to help him and get killed. I called it about an hour before it happened, when he was still "Good Harry". And having the butler tell him about cleaning his Dad's wounds was super lame. Why didn't he step up and do that months (or a movie) ago? I did like the snowboard he got at Marty McFly's garage sale though, that was pretty cool.

5. The scene when they were talking at the French Restaurant was killing me. Just shut up already, both of you. And for some reason, I knew the Bruce Campbell scene was coming, even though I had heard nothing about it. I yelled out Bruce! right after he came onscreen. I thought THAT was a nice cameo. Take some notes, Stan. But, I don't understand why Parker didn't recognize him as the usher that kept him out of MJ's play in the first one. They could have thrown in a "have we met before?" with Bruce's character denying it, and that would have been cool with me.

6. The part at the end where Spidey shows up to fight Venom and the Sandman and he lands for a split second right in front of the American flag was super lame. Seriously? That's what you've got? You can't get any more heavy-handed than that. And, again, it was totally lame.

I would like to see a fourth one, but I think it needs a fresh voice. I love Sam Raimi, but I think he got a little too full of himself and bit off more than he could chew. Too many storylines, too many characters, too many villians. I don't really think there's a word to describe how disjointed this movie was. It was just so choppy. You could tell it was trying to do too much. And two and a half hours? I had a headache by the time I left the theater. I won't be buying it on DVD and it's a good thing I only spent six bucks on it. If you can see it as a matinee for six dollars, I would recommend it, otherwise, wait for it to come on HBO in a coupe of months.


Tiffany said...

So then I take it you didn't go see it on the IMAX. Would that have made it a better experience?

Tyler said...

No. Nothing can change the fact that it sucks.

Jason said...

There is no way I'm going to see this movie. Why? Well, it's not because of this post (insightful as it is) nor because of my aversion to hype.

No, I will be avoiding this movie because of law school. My Property final last week. An eight-page fact pattern all derived from the Spider-Man 3 movie which incorporated 15 (15!!!) short or long essay question related to Property, such as "Who owns the black goo that was created by Norman Osborn if it escapes and is in the public domain?" and "If the City of New York gives Spider-Man the keys to the city, does that constitute a constructive or symbolic delivery of a gift?"

Like I said, I haven't seen the movie so I don't know if all of these are aspects of it but I'm not too anxious to find out.